Leukemia sucks

We finally were discharged from the hospital on Saturday.
Last week, Anthony had a fever, his highest ever at 104 degrees.
He felt pretty crummy all week, and adding steroids to his meds (part of chemotherapy) did not help. We are very tired of "roid rage."
Hi last dose was this morning though, and I believe we are already seeing a happier baby boy than pictures below.

While inpatient, we got to see some fun gingerbread houses that nurses or patients made.
Plus, a teacher or someone brought in a special gingerbread house.
The detail was fun to see.

The windows were stained glass, with candy cooked in them.

They are actually colored, but my camera didn't catch that...

There was a Christmas tree and a Santa inside.

Again, my camera (and its operator) are not that great.

I LOVED the pond with ducks.

The chimney was made of rock candy.

Anthony has had some miserable days. Last night and this morning were really rough.

Tonight, he was still unhappy, but finally settled down in Josh's lap to watch a movie.

He sat in Josh's lap, content, for over an hour!

Leukemia and its effects do suck.

That is not a word I use lightly.

But, I DO NOT appreciate my baby having to go through pain and illness that is life-threatening.

I DO NOT like living like I'm divorced when Andy and I are very happily married.

I DO NOT like feeling like opening our family to another child would be so difficult because "what if" that child developed cancer too? It isn't that we were planning to have more children, but it's sad to have such a warped mindset related to helping other children if needed.

And, I DO NOT like worrying about everything (natural worrier) from Anthony's medications, temperatures, illness, coordinating schools, worrying over going Christmas shopping (threat of germs when A has NO immune system) coordinating where children are when a fever or complication does hit, not being able to think (literally, leukemia has drained my brain of a LOT), and just for the general fact that our family has kind of lost a whole year to this illness.

I still DO LIKE leukemia though, and will be grateful for it, our excellent prognosis, the fact that there are multiple treatments to heal my baby, and that because of leukemia's high rate of occurrence, we can follow a more reliable map of treatment.

I am so sad that my children have had to learn so personally that cancer can kill, and it does.

I am sad that I do not know what to say to a grieving mother who only had her child, and now must go on without him.

I only pray that those little lives lost will not be lost in vain.

A CURE MUST BE FOUND FOR ALL CHILDHOOD CANCERS.